My clever clever IT peers

To the outside world, anyone who works with computers is "nerdy", "techie", "fundoo". Want to know the real picture? Read on:

Some folks from TCS had gone to the client site during an early phase in the project (client name not mentioned due to "dubious" reasons). The intent was to show some front-end screens to give an early feel for the way the final product will look. Each user from client side had a computer with a PowerPoint presentation of the screens. Mid-way through the walk through, one of the top-ranking client manager seemed pretty worked up and made a loud statement saying that the application had a bug. On asking what the bug was, here is what the user said - "When I click the 'Next' button on the screen, the next logical screen comes up. But even when I click the 'Back' button, the next screen comes up. This is not correct". The TCS team did not know what to say!

There was this time when a dynamic young individual was newly appointed as the project manager of an Oracle Applications implementation project at GE. He got stuck on a screen of the Application and called up the TCS team implementing the project about how to proceed. He was asked to press F12, which should resolve the issue. Some half an hour later, he called back saying that he was still stuck. So the team asked him to come over to the project room with the laptop. They asked him to show what he did. He proceeded to demo how he had followed the instructions to the 'T' - and started to press the 'F' key 12 times.

At another time, a lady who had no previous experience with IT joined TCS. She was trying to get some data from a software application, but was not successful even after a long while. So finally she asked one of the techies how to get the data, to which the techie said - why, check in the tables! An hour passed by and she came back saying that she still did not find the data. So the techie opened up a tool to query the database and found that data was in fact present in the tables. Now he inquired from the lady as to what tables she had checked, to which she said - she had checked the drawers only of her table!

In one project that I was on, a consultant was using both his laptop as well as a desktop for work. At one point, he became very agitated and banged his mouse repeatedly. (I would rather he banged his head considering the amount of ruckus he was creating). I asked him what was going on. He said he could not get his computer to do a simple "copy-paste". And then I saw what he was doing - 'Ctrl+C' on one keyboard and 'Ctrl+V' on the second one.

Another classic blooper comes from Sundesh, my colleague from Oracle. Mahesh mentioned that when he was shifting out of one of his projects in the United Kingdom, he clients had arranged for a "Dutch" dinner party for him. To which Sundesh asked - "Oh! So your clients took you to Netherlands for a dinner, eh? Pretty impressive!".

Here is a hilarious recording of the interaction between a first-time project manager and AVP of a company I previously worked with. But first a little background. The PM wanted a dishwasher at the onsite apartment he was put up at. He had contacted the local onsite administration staff to have this arranged. But things were not moving and he decided to contact the AVP (who was also the Delivery Head) located out of India over Gtalk. The AVP obviously had no inkling that the PM wanted a dishwasher and had requested for one since several days. The chat went like this:

PM: Hi, how are you?

AVP: Fine, thank you – how are things?

PM: Fine, but the dishwasher has not come yet.

AVP: I did not get you?

PM: A dishwasher is an electrical machine that automatically cleans dishes.

This brought the conversation to an abrupt end, as far as I am told.

And then this one is all about the post-modern times we live in:
A friend was speaking to another of her friend (face to face); she cracked a joke and the friend said "lol". That's right, he actually laughed as "lol"!

Not all apples are rotten! Here is an example of a nice and shiny apple ... a farewell email written by a colleague, which I think is one of the best framed ones that I have seen so far:

Hello,

Today I cast my mind back to just over 2 years ago when I walked into the door of XYZ Ltd. Back then I thought:

1.       “HR Maturity” has to do with how many wrinkles and grey hairs you had

2.       “True Positioning” was something you did on Google Maps when you got lost

3.       “Kronos” was a character in a Classical Greek play

4.       “HCS” apparently meant “Hot Chick Services” according to some conference

Boy how much I have learnt and grown since, given the brilliant learning curve I have experienced at this fantastic company. I look back and with all the earnestness in my heart, all I can say is WOW!

It has been such a fantastic journey where I have met the most incredible people and worked on some of the most complex and challenging clients that pushed my boundaries beyond my comfort zone. And best of all, I can honestly say I had the fun doing it.

Although I am terribly sad to be moving on to new adventures, I do so knowing that I walk away with a the XYZ Ltd. experience permanently a part of my professional anatomy.  I will be joining ABC Ltd. as a my_new_designation, continuing my work in the EFG space.

It has been a privilege working with and for all of you and I am certain our paths will cross in the future. But if you don’t want to leave things up to fate, here are my contact details:

abcxys@gmail.com

0999 999 999

Uganda Bloopres ...ooops ... Bloopers

So there was this time when we went to Uganda (via Oracle) to implement a product called Self-Service. Day 1 – we are in the requirements gathering session and are introducing ourselves. I said I am Sameer and I could see people blinking around trying to get that name. Then Sundesh, my co-implementor, said he was Sundesh and there was yet another round of blinks. So I wrote down our names on a flip chart, but that did not help either. Finally, I had to shorten up the names. I said, “Sundesh is Sandy and Sameer is Sam”. Nods of approval – everyone is happy. Day 2 – we get ready to demo the product. But when we started Self-Service, a message popped up – “You do not have the license for this product”. The demo session was due to start in half an hour and we went into a frenzy trying to sort out this issue. So off went a call to Nelly Cheung, the relationship manager from Oracle. Nelly called Sundesh to understand the issue; then called the client co-ordinator to explain that Sundesh found a solution to the problem and that there was nothing to worry about. The next thing we know, the client co-ordinator comes to Sundesh and tells him that there is nothing to worry about because Nelly had just called to say that Sundesh will take care of the problem. This time, we were the ones left blinking!

Entebbe airport in Uganda is on the edge of Lake Victoria, one of the largest fresh water lakes in the world and the source of the mighty river Nile. The clam waters present a beautiful sight while the craft hovers above the lake. And during descent, the shores of the lake rush to welcome the visitors. When we stepped out of the airport, Peter - the driver that the client had sent - rushed to welcome us. While he was leading us to the car, Sundesh and I were speculating about the make of car. We saw him going towards a BMW and I told Sandy – “Whoa boy! Thats a nice set of wheels”. But Peter passed the BMW. Then he approached a really old, beaten down car and Sundesh was like – “What have you got to say now?” Thankfully, he passed that car too. Finally, we got into a Pajero – whew! Since then, the only place I speculate at is the stock market.

There was a Chinese restaurant opposite to the apartment we were staying at. This proximity made it our most regular hang out place for dinner. Here, we met a waiter called Robert, who is the most passionate waiter I have even known. Robert knew the restaurant menu inside out. So if we would order “Mapo Beancurd”, he would say – “Oh, that’s number 83”. Or “Vegetarian Drumsticks” which was “number 156”. There was only this one time when he could not recall the number of the item on the menu – that was when we ordered something that did not exist on the menu.

Uganda has a unique means of public transport – the “Boda-Boda” or just “Boda” in short. This is a two-wheeler motorcycle (or sometimes even a bicycle) found in even the remotest nook of the country. I enquired with one driver as to why Boda-Bodas were called so, and he told me an equally unique story. He said that long long ago, but no so long ago, people used two-wheelers to cross the border between Kenya and Uganda. On seeing a two-wheeler, a pedestrian would shout out – “Border?” And that name stuck. Sometimes, when I shouted out for a “Boda”, I wondered how much the guy would charge to give me a ride from Kampala to the border – a distance of around 300 kilometers.

I found Uganda to be very friendly country. The warmth is genuine; it’s not like the local folks put up a façade of friendship for us (unlike in Egypt, where folks seemed friendly only on the surface, but I found them to be inherently very aggressive and rough). But like all countries, Uganda too has its idiosynchracies. For example, if you ask for water, the server will ask you whether you want cold water or warm water. You are surprised and say that you want just regular water – not cold, nor warm. Now the waiter is surprised and asks you what you mean by regular water! Well, as it stands, in Uganda”warm” water IS your “regular”, room temparature water. Also, if you ask for tea, you get served black tea by default. There was this time when Sundesh asked for tea. The conversation went something like this:
Sundesh – “Can I have some tea?”
Server – “Sure”
Sundesh – “I do not want black tea”
Server – “Black Tea?”
Sundesh – “No, white tea” (White tea … huh?!!)
Server – “So you want milk without tea? (Now what is that!!)
Sundesh – “No, I want tea with milk”
We were all laughing so hard, while the server seemed totally clueless about the joke.